Raw Deal

Regular readers here may remember I mentioned that my father is on hospice. By hospice I mean in-home end of life care. My dad was smart and planned ahead; he had four kids to take care of him in his final days. My mom is shouldering the brunt of the caregiving load and the rest of the family has been pitching in whenever we can be in town.

He’s mostly out of it now, so there’s no sense in me telling him I feel like we kids got a raw deal. He got to see us during the birthing process, now we have to see him in the process of dying. (Truth be told, he probably opted out of viewing the high drama of the actual events and sat it out at a nearby bar awaiting word from the doctor like most men of his generation did. I tend to be old-fashioned about certain things, and also a bit squeemish, so I would have no doubt done the same thing if my wife and I had decided to have a kid.)

Anyway, he got to enjoy seeing us grow; now we have to see him fade away. When you think about it, it’s a pretty raw deal for everyone.

Text and Photography© Jim Robertson

Text and Photography© Jim Robertson

14 thoughts on “Raw Deal

  1. I have been through the passing of both my parents. It is part of life and nobody escapes. Take this time to tell your dad everything and anything. We don’t know what they can understand but the process will have meaning for you both. It’s important. You don’t want to have regrets and this is a special time calling for support and loving attention, even if you don’t think he knows. You know. Thank you for your book and your blog. I’m old AR bag, doing it since the 80s…sending love to you, Jim. You’re not alone.

  2. You’re right, life’s an awful deal, stuck here by gravity; I’ve come to hate gravity. Anti-natalists are very wise. If every life form on Earth suddenly became sterile, no more births of sentient life ever again, that would be a sort of near Heaven, for me anyways. I feel for you going through this, my last death of a family member to watch in horror was 5 years ago. Then we have the ongoing grief for the animals. Raw deal. Only the coldhearted or parasites are “happy” with things as is. We keep plugging away though, in relative positivity, for those who matter. My best to you Jim.

  3. Having to watch a parent fade away is definitely a raw deal. I agree with Sally and also believe that at some level those who are in your dad’s situation are aware of what’s going on around them. So tell your dad whatever you feel you need to say to him before he passes.

  4. So sorry to hear this Jim. it must be very hard on you and your whole family. Blessings to your father during this difficult time. I lost my mother when she was still very young. My thoughts are with you.

  5. Sorry about your situation Jim. I think that most of us will go thru something like this the older we get. Unfortunately our culture is set up to promote illness and suffering; it fills the so-called health care industries’ coffers. Think about it, how much money is being spent on pills and procedures instead of TRUE prevention like a truly healthy vegan lifestyle? (i.e, plenty of fresh food and outdoor exercise,and reduction of stress about buying the next environmentally/animal-explotive piece of crap to keep up with other stressed out,overweight “consumers”)
    Hang in there; it doesn’t get any easier, but you have folks who are with you in spirit.

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