Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans


MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.

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175 thoughts on “Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

    • People aren’t purely brain-based vessels.By limiting the idea of human essence to cerebral criteria we bypass the fact of our spirit. Inside the rational human there’s a pool of depth and conflict churning with voices and vices and fears. There’s a moral aspect in the balance, one burden thereof for every soul and each crumb of information or command is subject to emotional scrutiny. This ‘grey’ area goes unrecognised, supressed or utterly refuted. Yet it is responsible for everything that people do and don’t do and even for what they choose to rationaly think.
      Anyway, there’s the answer as to why the virus of fact-resistance in the master species is resulting in the death of the earth.
      Since when have people on mass listened to reason? Is it time to look around for something we’re missing? I think so. It is never too late. My hope and belief is that the revolution shall be spiritual. It will not, however look like the currant models coursing in vicious circles of superstition, aspic-set tradition or unhinged fundamentalism. The above forms need fresh air and a lateral view to wider angles of acuity. Just like the scientific establishment thinking they can hold reason over polititians, the religious contingent seems to utterly miss the point. We can and often do talk a good talk and think ourselves clever at all times. It is a fact that most nations feel superior to their neighbours as do successive eras to their pasts. But no matter how we flash our cash so to speak, the state of our ‘house’ the earth is a direct sign of our bankrupcy as a race.

      • Ummm… It’s “en masse” not “on mass”, unless you’re referring to a physical location. Oh and “bankruptcy”, “current”, “politicians” – unless you’re being a bit sarcastic

      • That entire diatribe could be condensed to a single paragraph. For instance “The above forms need fresh air and a lateral view to wider angles of acuity.” is a ridiculously space form of ‘Look at the big picture’.
        This trait was probably learned in college by stretching a two paragraph idea into a 1,500 word essay to compensate for a lack of study.

      • Another strain of human to come on the scene lately is the butthole with no capacity for humor. You might want to see a doctor about that before it becomes serious. 🙂

      • Although I disagree with a lot of what you’ve said, there are some interesting ideas in here. People should actually take the time to read.

      • Well stated. I am a writer, Just finished this. Take care RUN Richard Stickney – August 07 2015
        You cannot outrun your past

        What happens in the end? Every one leaves.
        I can feel them gone.
        There is only one thing that remains.

        Your luck turns into a storm of tears that does not end.
        Your Joy turns into stone.
        There is no word for “when you feel”
        You are what you become, who you are and where you are.

        All your wrongs come creeping back
        from the place where they stay safe.
        Always wanting to pull you back. Always waiting to wrong you back.
        There is no free ride.
        They dwell inside – Ever waiting to return.

        What is done is done. You cannot take it back.
        It hides and grows as you become weaker.
        When the Scales drop – Balance is lost.

        The Freefall Begins

        The other side of life is not at all like the other side of life.
        All the things that you built crumble into dust.
        Nothing lasts – Nothing matters

        The Joker trumps the Jack and King, ever smiling.
        The wild card wins. He takes the trophies that are yours.
        He moves away, back into the Cave of Dragons and Dark Forces.
        The place where light is dark.
        No form or shape.
        Void – True Chaos.

        Go to the Lost before they are lost.
        Plead your case if you can.

        Few outrun the Monster.
        He is Ancient and he has known our ways from our beginning.
        How do you outrun a Vacuum? How do you get in front of it?

        Strong Forces attract Strong Forces.
        Weak Forces are scattered early on,
        recycled and used as others please.
        There is no victory for those that perish.
        They are simply fuel.

        The Harder you fight the stronger He becomes.
        He draws his energy from opposition and conflict.
        The moment that you stop your fight,
        you become a weak force – Your value is lost.

        So What Matters?

        What is that spark inside? Where does it come from?
        Dust is dust. No more, no less.
        Shape it, form it, do what you please with it.
        In the end it is still Dust.

        My Spirit feels laughter and mocking – Why !?
        Is there still something left? Something that survives?

        I don’t know yet.

        Something is there – It is not Dust.
        Something that does not change form.
        Something that made dust to be Dust.

        I know the shape of it. I have seen it and know it’s presence.
        Dust cannot cover it. It reflects. It is an anti-vacuum of sorts

        I have to think about this for a while

        Could be that this is what I have been thinking about for a long time.
        There is a connection; a strand, a presence that is not affected by anything.
        It is an absolute, it never changes.
        It does not recognize time nor the effects of it.
        Time is not a factor. Time is no more than a vector.

        It outran the Vacuum because it created the Vacuum
        It is the Other Side.

        Dark cannot approach it. It is what it is. All in – All out, all and all.

        So what lasts? Love; Strength, Hate, Joy, Sadness, Riches, Lack, Looks, Material Things,
        Pain, Flesh, Water, The Elements, Magnetism?
        Everything that you can think of goes away

        Except for Love.

        What gives Energy and Life?
        What is it that always remains?
        What always was and is always present?
        What cannot be defeated or torn down?

        I AM THAT I AM

        Go to the Lost before they are lost
        Plead your case if you can

      • Yes, I agree with some of the ideas you share Marianne Velvart. Humans are reinforcement learning machines. We act according to how we have been trained to act by the rewards and punishments we have experienced in life. These rewards are the foundations of our emotions. It’s why we are emotional beings — we are wired as machines that chase our emotional desires. Our emotional needs, shape our perception of the very reality we live in. The stronger the emotional drives, either from nature (stronger innate rewards in our brain), or nurture (we have a hard life full of pain and/or excess pleasure), the more our emotions distort the reality we live in. We become “fact resistant” and unable to see the truth — we only see what we emotionally need to see. Just as a drug addict, heavily under the influence of the large rewards the drug gives them, is unable to tell truth from fact (they will deny they have an addiction for example), they will make up stores about why they “need” the drug, that has nothing to do with the fact that their brain has become addicted to the the drug.

        The weaker our emotional drives, the less they get in our way of seeing the truth. A good scientists, needs to be highly unemotional. They must learn to separate their desires for success, or to “being right”, or to get funding, from to free them to see the truth, no matter what the truth is. The scientific community trains and reinforces each other to respect this ability to follow their truth, and reject their own personal emotional biases.

        Most the population doesn’t get this sort of training, and honestly, don’t even understand the problems of personal bias that our emotions create in us — how our emotional drives and needs, will totally blind us to the truth. Most people have little ability to separate desire, from truth.

        When we force a person into a hard life, such as child abuse, or a lack of food, or poverty, or a lack of respect from the society they live in, they become “hardened” as we like to say. And though this type of training may increase the odds of survival in a person forced to learn to cope with a hard life, it also ends up creating a fact-resistant human — one that sees, and believes, what they need to see, and believe, to escape the dangers of the hard life they have had to face. The brain pulls out an amazing array of tricks it uses to allow it to escape the hard truths of reality. That person who beat me as a child, is doing it becuase they “love me”. They are not “bad” they were just “raised that way”. Or, God has given me these hardships to “test” me. These are all just emotional tricks people use to escape from a painful reality they desperately are trying to escape from.

        When your life is hard, your brain fills with lies and distortions as coping mechanisms. And a head filled with coping mechanics as their primary form of defense against the pains of a hard life, can’t afford to let down their defenses to see the truth, because it would expose them to the reality of their hard life — a realty that’s too painful to accept.

        Sadly, the US, in it’s dog-eat-dog society filled with this compete or die mentality, we find large numbers of our population locked into positions of danger, and struggle, and hardships. So they all in mass, turn to the these lies and distortions and superstitions, like religion, to escape the hardships of their lives. The bibles, and guns, and prejudices are all coping mechanisms against the fears our society forces on our people. And along with it, comes fact resistance. They have a full plate of fear to cope with already, the don’t need to hear the planet is about to die as well, so they can’t hear it.

        We can fix this. The solution is to make life easy, and safe, for everyone. If nobody has to grow up in poverty, and hungry, then there will be no fear, of poverty and hunger. It will be something our distant ancestors had to cope with that we will read about in the history books. If nobody has to grow up in fear of ending up homeless, because they lost their job, then they won’t fear homelessness. If society guarantees that everyone, always has the cash they need to survive — to eat, and have a place to live, and be able to buy the basic things that make our lives safe and comfort, then all the current fear of society, will fade into history. And we will be left with a society where the fact-resistance will be highly minimized, and where facts, rule society, instead of fears and superstitions.

        But the road to this solution is not an easy one, exactly becuase the people that are currently the most fearful, and need the most “treatment” of “an easy life”, are the ones most against creating a society where everyone is allowed an easy life. It’s a sad catch 22 problem we can, and must, and will, escape from.

      • @Marianne Ferris Yeah, but she doesn’t realize that the satire is written about liberals/progressives. Liberals are a dense bunch, once they latch onto a bumper sticker slogan they like, or are instructed by liberal organizers what to say and do, you have to admire their refusal to let go of that bone. They are well trained that way. Lenin referred to them as “useful idiots”, and history has proven Lenin to be correct.

      • Interesting that you focused on religious fundamentalism. I was thing of economic greed as I read the piece.

      • @JoJo The piece refers to climate change deniers, and while I hate the bigotry of assuming facts about people based on random social, political, and economic labels, I have to say I have not seen evidence that many liberals fall under that umbrella.

      • I must say I love the visual image of “currant models coursing in vicious circles of superstition”. Do you think it would be possible to create one in choux pastry?

      • Good satire is always rooted in some truth, truth can be different according to the nature of the virus

      • My mind will change when Al Gore moves into a studio apartment, has all of his mansions converted to homeless shelters and he has his private jet dismantled for recycling.

      • Marianne, you really believe it’s satire? Look around you. The Republicans are destroying our fact-based public education system, attempting to replace it with their religious superstitions. They first banned the teaching of evolution, now they are banning the science of climate change.

        Consider this, “Does the law not have a duty? Does the Bench and [Congress] not have a duty to uphold and create the laws that progress our morality, not retard it? If not to protect us from others, then to protect us from ourselves. Laws that allow us to diminish the humanity of anybody are not laws. They are frameworks for crime. And quite frankly, I really do not care if you as an individual are without character or conscience. But a land whose laws sanction, not control, the barbarous among its citizens, that is a country whose hope is lost.” — John Davinier (1779-80)

      • The “fact” of our spirit? It would seem a proper definition of spirit is needed first…..then the facts related to it…..but so far as I could tell, the remainder of the post merely outlined the myriad facets of human consciousness….all of which appear to reside in the brain.

      • Elegant words and meaningful interpretation, a fact most never admit is the existence of good and evil and the physical being. Spiritual evil and good appears all too often as genitically inspired, passed from generation to generation.

      • I do appreciate this well thought out response…even if it is to sarcasm

        Sometimes sarcasm can be our best teacher…it jolts us from complacency

    • Curt Welchon – you were doing pretty well until you got to “We can fix this. The solution is to make life easy, and safe, for everyone” – in truth, this situation leads to shallow thinking obese Humans with an inflated opinion of their importance 😉

  1. While I know this is not what you were talking about and that you were not making fun of people with APD there is a group of people like this – that actually have a medical problem called auditory processing disorder. These people have an issue with the auditory nerve – they can hear but cannot understand. Please do some research before posting something that can be so hurtful – even if not intended that way.

    • 1> You know this wasn’t about APD 2> You know it wasn’t intended to harm anyone with APD 3> You want Andy to do research on something that has NOTHING to do with the actual subject of the article, lest he hurt someone with APD. Well, I don’t know if your auditory nerve functions, but you just demonstrated that your self-absorbed ‘you have a hell of a nerve’ nerve works just fine.

      • Most people with ADP has extreme difficulty detecting satire, even when it is in print versus spoken word. Your comments, while correct it isn’t about ADP, are hateful and unnecessary.

      • The rule is, it doesn’t matter what you mean it only matters how other feel. It’s the slope the extreme left has put us on it it is why hate like that expressed in this post is excepted.

      • G.Gently……by that logic if the truth hurts then we should not speak it!? That Sir is an absurdity in the extreme.People must live in a reality outside of themselves. For reality is the glue of sanity.

    • Teresa, that comment was really unnecessary. The piece is satire. S. A. T. I. R. E. You might want to take a step back and research the point of satire.


    • My daughter has severe ADP and it is a condition which has caused her to be isolated, labeled as “retarded”, made her the perfect victim for those people with predatory tendencies and, indeed, causes a “hard life.”

    • Oh Stop!!! I have an INTELLIGENT friend with HUMOR whose son has been diagnosed with SPD. She would laugh her ass off at this SATIRE. Inserting faux hurt feelings where no malice was intended and, in your own words, “I know this isn’t what you were talking about, BUT!!” is the lowest form of covert narcissistic attention seeking.

    • I know a guy who’s cousins friends sister in law has, Add. Sod. Adp. Ed and several std’s. Because he’s a Fag. So everything you say offends me.

      Give me a break. People. Political correctness is fkn you people up.

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  3. Fact is a word that is thrown out there way to easily. ‘Facts’ can be generated from manipulated data and statistics way to easily. I’ve heard it’s a fact that vaccines are safe, WORNG! I heard it’s a fact that humans cause climate change, WRONG! Even though there may be some truth to these claims, saying that they are FACTS may be far from the truth because the method used to obtain these facts may be faulted, circumstantial and manipulated. Im sure nobody knows the people conducting these studies personally but they will hang off every word like it came straight from God himself because it supports their personal beliefs. Not taking into account that MONEY runs the world and if it generates revenue it will have full support from the government for FACT generating studies and experiments. Before you call something a fact, doing reaserch of your own on both sides of the idea would be beneficial and you would realize that a lot of facts are merely theoretical OPINIONS. The end.

  4. I know it’s satire, but there may be more truth to it than anyone is acknowledging.

    This study concluded : “Peering inside the brain with MRI scans, researchers at University College London found that self-described conservative students had a larger amygdala (link is external) than liberals. The amygdala is an almond-shaped structure deep in the brain that is active during states of fear and anxiety. Liberals had more gray matter at least in the anterior cingulate cortex, a region of the brain that helps people cope with complexity.”

    Think about the ramifications of that. Conservative brains ARE different and behaviors are more reminiscent of lower animals and primitive thinking based around fear and the need for dominance.

    Liberal minded people have transgressed most base animalistic instincts to handle the world around them in complex ways.

    This could be an early sign that what we call “humanity” is splitting into two separate species, one that advances and the other that is stalled in primitive behavior.

    • after 70 some years on this earth I have come to the conclusion that conservative minds deal better with reality where as Liberal minds tend towards wishfull thinking and lofty theories.

      • John (great name by the way), it is confounding that I, too feel the same way, but vice versa. One need only watch the Republican, then the Democrat, debates to see how far these Conservatives are from substantive dialog. Using a term like “dealing with reality” can be a greased pig but I took your comment to mean that Libs don’t deal with tangible or proven reality. I believe we (Libs) do in fact do that very well, but setting that aside, what in the world is so bad about having lofty goals?

      • john d,
        What John Ton says to you is a remarkable example of a liberal’s inability to perceive reality in a logic and accurate manner:
        “One need only watch the Republican, then the Democrat, debates to see how far these Conservatives are from substantive dialog.”
        Anyone watching a Democrat debate who has even a rudimentary grasp of reality can see the softball questions being asked, while in the Republican debates the liberal moderators do anything and everything possible to start a brawl between candidates, and to ask questions that are anything but conducive to substantive dialog, and all for the purpose of derailing any possibility of a debate actually occurring.
        So obviously John Ton’s definition, and that of liberals in general, of reality is what comes into question, especially in light of his claim that libs deal very well with reality, while they expel 5 year old kids from school for biting their pop-tart into the shape of a gun, and yet give thousands of dollars worth of gifts and a scholarship to a kid who makes a fake bomb and calls it a clock, while they also punish the school staff for erring on the side of caution to protect the kids from a potential threat. And since Americans have been hit on a number of occasions by terrorists during the Obama reign of terror, this also calls into question liberals’ ability to distinguish caution from what they call fear in Republicans/Conservatives and their dismissal of potential threats (cough*cough*Benghazi*cough) and of course their short-term memory issues come to bear as well not being able to remember why we spent over a decade in Iraq and Afghanistan and the fact the Democrats voted whole-heartedly to go there, including Mama-Pelosi whose teets they cannot seem to pry their lips off of.

      • Citizen Ghost what I saw while watching the debates so far is that the democrats are working on improving the country and making it better for all of us and the republicans are stuck on fake scandals. They cannot get over the fact that everything they are trying to make into a horrible story has been proven false. Yet they keep going on and on about them. The questions asked of the democrats were intended to create friction between the candidates as well, they just refused to participate in the backstabbing that the republicans cannot seem to avoid.

    • Finally! I read through these comments with my brain twisting in the wind. Honestly, nearly every comment prior to yours appeared to be entries in some existential one-up wordy contest.

  5. Well, we know that there’s only ONE set of facts being used to establish this affliction. . . hmmm. would this apply to catastrophic global warming activists as well as deniers? They both appear resistant to fact. . .

  6. My study trumps your study. Hell, we could go on like this for days!
    Yale Law Study – Tea Party Members Smarter Than Liberals

    By Andrew Zarowny

    “According to Senator Tom Coburn′s latest Government ′Wastebook′, some $400,000 were spent by a Yale Law school professor to gauge the intelligence of Tea Party members. However, the results of the study have been largely ignored as they indicate that Tea Party members have a higher science comprehension than that of non-Tea Party members. Meaning that when it comes to cognitive skills, Tea Party members are smarter than other Americans, including Liberals. No wonder ABC-CBS-NBC-CNN-HLN-MSNBC-WashPo-NYTimes have ignored the study and its results. So in conclusion, Liberals are the only ones who believe Liberals are smarter. The very mechanism that allows us to advance (discovery and assimilation of facts) goes ignored by Liberals which stands in direct contradiction to YOUR study. They simply ignore them if they don’t like them. Very infantile to say the least. Sounds like my three year old. Now lay on the floor, kick and stomp your feet, and hold your breath until you find a “fact” you like. Perfect.

    • I conducted a similar study, based on the content of emails received from the Tea Party leaders, the content of its official website, and the content of member postings. The study found a preponderance of Tea Party members to be raving lunatic racist homophobes, with minimal understanding of science, no ability to process information logically, who evince a primal “fight or flight” response to even minimal intellectual confrontation. My study cost $0 and returned more accurate results. So I guess I’m smarter than a Yale law professor.

      • “So I guess I’m smarter than a Yale law professor.”

        Which isn’t saying much. Now follow me here:
        When extremist-anarchists and militia-minded whacko white supremacists of the far-far-far right glom on to the Tea Party movement and the autocratic whacko, far-far-far liberal left gladly consider them to be the average representative of the movement, with the truth being that the movement was created by middle-aged small business owners, housewives and just regular everyday people you meet at the grocery store; then what you get are the miserably inaccurate results your are proclaiming as “more accurate”.

        That said, everyone knows there are extremists of every religious or political ideology. Such as those on the extreme right I just mentioned. And also those on the extreme left. People who base their opinions of, let’s say climate change (which has morphed from “global warming” due to record low temperatures over the past couple of years) on the assertions of scientists whose budgets are funded by government on ever level, including and especially the international level. And this, despite the recent reports by NOAA and NASA that show satellite data indicating “no significant change” in global temperatures over the past nearly two decades (ironically the very time frame in which the green-house alarmists have kicked their false movement into high gear)

        These people think mankind is capable of destroying the planet with some plastic bags and water bottles, not to mention petroleum, which the Earth itself created over the course of millions of years; a politically motivated, agenda-driven extremist liberal left who has declared a natural substance, Carbon Dioxide, to be a contaminant so that flatulent gas-bags like Al Gore can become obscenely rich through fear-mongering and so that political terrorists like Barack Obama can use the EPA to close the iron grip of control over the masses tighter and tighter, directing funds to ill-gotten energy programs that have failed pathetically (unless the goal is to prevent funding of anything that would actually work) squeezing the life out of the people and the Earth itself.
        So as you see, Professor, you are compelled to go back to the drawing board. And this time, try to be a little more broad-spectrum when gathering your data. Especially considering your claim of having examined peoples’ personal emails is obviously a fabrication to add humor to your satire. Well done.

        (The preceding was entirely satire, as is this disclaimer)

  7. This is a great article but I would love to see it include some solutions, action steps, or links to help people actually make a difference. Thank you!

  8. Pingback: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans | jaxagnesson

  9. “The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.”
    These humans would be related to the large number of scientists who practice agenda-driven pseudo-science promoted by mass-media as facts, putting the whole population at risk of becoming brain-washed vegetables. (Satire ).
    Seriously, there exists a huge cognitive dissonance problem which prevents discrimination between facts and propaganda, a situation facilitated by a huge massively-funded political authoritarian group.
    True science is being adulterated and peddled as fact. Those who are aware of this are branded as “not quite right” when in fact, it is the other way around! 🙂

  10. It’s not a matter of not hearing. It’s a matter of many people hearing so many lies, that they stop believing the lies. The only “scientists” who are concerned about this are Social Scientists — the only “scientists” whose job is to get people to believe lies.

    • This is closed minded and incorrect. It’s not worth getting into the details, but I will simply say that I am concerned about the climate, and I am working on a PhD in a scientific field.

  11. I hate the old cliche’ about taking a “chill pill” but seriously, take it easy everyone! Many of us are so strident these days, that we’ve put blockades around ourselves. I don’t care if its a blockage between the ear and brain, eyes and brain, nose and brain or mouth and brain, somehow, any light that is not on our approved sources is quickly extinguished. I’ve found that most truths have come from sources I’ve least expected, or have learned what I needed to know from those not interested in sharing what I only want to know.

  12. Just one further note: It’s not just fact resistance. It is that so many have had a sense-of-humorectomy. They have lost the ability to laugh at themselves … or anything. They rant, fume, whine, and exhibit a powerful sense of righteous indignation. They will bring civilization to its knees — assuming civilization has knees.

    • Marilyn Armstrong,
      I see your point. But there is another, completely different reality for some people. These are people who, like me, find it difficult to laugh when our clothes are on fire. I know, because I have literally been on fire. I don’t think I laughed when I was burning, nor did I laugh the entire 13 months I was healing from my injury. The point I’m making is that the world is literally on fire right now. And whether liberal or conservative, Republican or Democrat, anyone who denies the perilous times we are in is not dealing with reality. So again, while I see your point, and as important as it is to find time and cause for laughter, consider that it may be as much the fault of those who are laughing (or, if you will, whistling past the cemetery) while the world caves in around them, as to why civilization is brought to its knees. Peace. Be well.

  13. Curt Welch: It is not necessarily true that scientists have to be “unemitional.” They have to be capable of setting aside their emotions, or of taking their emotions into account when judging facts, but unemotionality of itself is not a necessary requirement. Self-awareness is..

  14. In ancient times those people were naturally removed from the gene pool by the resident predators. I call them “Tiger Bait”.

    They were the ones who wondered too far from the security of the cave and didn’t watch their backs. While they were picking berries, or their nose, the saber toothed fur balls would pounce. “TIGER BAIT”.

    Now they are protected by a civilized society so they can breed uncontrollably.
    You have seen them. They are the ones who open the car door on a narrow street just before you rip it off the hinges. They have that blank look that suggests, “I didn’t know other cars came down this street”. TIGER BAIT.

    Or, you are walking up to the store with the nice automatic opening doors and as soon as they are inside, they stop right in front of you. You can’t get past them because their immense carcass is almost as wide as the opening. You say, “Excuse me”, and they look at you as if they are surprised that other people shop there. TIGER BAIT!

    You know who there are, you deal with them frequently. Sigh!

  15. Love and understanding throw greed out the window more people need to be educated more to learn right from wrong but the fact is there is there is no comman sense anymore but love and understanding can concor all if people can just calm down and do what’s rightfor the good of the country and the people but we all have to work together to get the job done

    • In this country, people can’t agree on the color of sh*t, which is why everyone thinks they know what is right for the country and nothing gets done to accomplish any good for the people. But you’re right, love does conquer all, and unfortunately, the love of mankind is waxing colder and colder and there is very little of it to go around these days. We don’t love our own children enough in this culture to even give them a shot at life, let alone suffer the slings and arrows to assure them a secure life if they’re fortunate enough to survive the womb.

  16. I have long wondered about this virulent strain of pathogens. They seem to spread via indestructible pods picked up by the Westboro Baptist Church in its extensive travels about the country.

  17. It amuses me to read the comments claiming this piece was written as a satire of liberals. Clearly, these commenters aren’t familiar with the work of Andy Borowitz, or his Borowitz Report. If they were, perhaps they’d realize that it’s actually conservatives who are the target of the satire. Of course, it’s also a sad comment about our current state of affairs that both the left-wing and the right-wing see the other as fact-free.

  18. Too funny! On a serious note, however, lets be careful not to overlook the fundamental truth here. The problem is not with people’s fact processing ability, it is that there is no reliable authority on just what the facts are. If someone trusts their friends’ and neighbors’ opinions over those of the Academy, whose fault is that, really?

  19. So….because you know of a Liberal who uses satire about Conservatives proves what exactly? Lol, seriously I could point out how stupidly flawed that is in a trillion ways irregardless of the intent of the satire but…obviously that would be a complete waste of my cranial capacity on you.
    Since you Libs obviously convinced how dumb we are and how smart you are as evidenced by the condescension throughout these replies.

  20. You guys saying ‘really’and ‘Relax’ are part of the problem …we’ve been relaxed to long and let to much go by…sure theres a time for leisure …but not in life on a whole ..’sheep’

  21. This article is joking in matter but serious in content …incase you missed that as you did ..fucking sheep..that’s why the waters drying up and the planets heating up…dumb people ..I’ll make no apologies for my words to you…there’s no reason for your inability…learn how you useo your braino

    • LOL! Yeah, we get it. But maybe you should “useo YOUR braino” and read the reports from NASA and NOAA that show “no significant change in climate or global temperature” in nearly two decades. Then take at a look at how it happens to be national and international government institutions that fund the allegedly “scientific” organizations that support the false notion that a natural substance like Carbon Dioxide is a contaminant, and that some plastic bags and water bottles are going to destroy the world. THEN take a look at Al gore’s bank account, and the accounts of everyone who are out there fear-mongering for personal gain. #TooFunny

  22. In this post some people are asking:
    “Why so serious?”

    My response:
    Do you really need to ask or are you too, a fact-resistant human who doesn’t understand the seriousness of the problem that this satire is discussing? Don’t get lost in the irony and throw the baby out with the bath water.

    The harsh and petty criticisms leveled at some contributor’s remarks in this virtual space illustrate a trait that majorly contributes to humankind’s existential problems – the selfishness of our egocentrism and how it plays out in a lack of empathy, compassion and care for one another and the planet.

  23. I’m sure all of you have done the math needed to come to the conclusion the earth is coming to an end. Global warming………… I mean climate change…….I know it will be quite a shock to you to know that I lived through the last coming of an Ice Age. The less faith you have the more worried you will be come. Signed A Moron-Idiot

  24. This disease is spread by bureaucrats. They are adept at killing off all common sense. It helps to understand what common sense actually is. It is thinking outside the box. The box for bureaucrats is the ‘rules’, which can be policy, regulations, legislation etc. They will blindly apply these rules without considering the external consequences. They love making rules, it gives their lives purpose. Their highest loyalty is not to God, or the nation, but to the rules. Anything fact that contradicts the rules is to be disregarded.

  25. All the people that take offense so easily shouldn’t read things that hurt their feeling.I get so tired of these whiners this is a satire piece don’t look for things to upset yourself. Read things that you agree with and leave the rest of us to enjoy life with a smile.Laugh at life because it is over too fast to complain all the time.

  26. When the infrastructure that supports our self-indulge way of life collapses the hearts of that strain of human will fail them. So, there is no need to be concerned! How is that for being not so serious?

  27. LOL “leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them”. It’s the scientists who are responsible. By claiming 97% “consensus” for global warming. By falsifying data, adding one degree to all the data points, discounting all dissenting science, they have singlehandedly destroyed the credibility they are now demanding from humans.

  28. The people who are posting the long replies are the ones the article is talking about haha and they don’t even know it. Well played article !!

    • Sorry, but you’re wrong. You have missed the point of this article, which is nothing but the typical, liberal veiled insult, due to a typical, liberal lack of stones and the typical liberal blind devotion to the party of deception, in which is the abode of corruption, who either bribes or strong-arms in order to promote their wicked agenda.

      Short enough reply for ya?

      • short enough? yep. seriously lacking in intelligence though. Liberal is not a party. If you are referring to the democrats being the party of deception and corruption, maybe you should take a look at the political landscape and see which party has an abundance of politicians being indicted for bribery, misappropriation of funds and fraud.

      • You’ve embarrassed yourself by saying my statement lacks intelligence because “liberal is not a party”. You might want to read my comment again. I did not infer that “liberal is a party”. And in that context, by the way, the word would be ‘liberalism’ is not a party, which again I said no such thing. But thanks for proving my point about liberals.

        And as far as examining the ‘political landscape’ for corruption? I did. I do every day, thus my statement. Take off the blinders, put down the Kool-Aid, and step away.

  29. the fact resistant humans are a direct result of “FACT CAMOUFLAGING, FACT IGNORING AND FACT DEFLECTING GOVERNMENTS”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. Pingback: Zombie America: a metaphor | Scholars and Rogues | Progressive Culture

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    1. The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
    2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose human foolishness or vice.

    1. The quality that makes something laughable or amusing.
    2. The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.

    1. The act of concluding or finishing something or the state of being finished – as in, all I am saying is to LIGHTEN UP and allow humor to be a part of your life every now and then. Recognize and enjoy satire.

  34. For a second there I thought I was on Craigslist reading the rant and rave section. Sux that 90% of the content that I have ever read in blogs are people that don’t even know each other talking smack at each other. This race of humanity is pathetic

  35. Thank you Jlogic. Well said. If we are to make a better world for ourselves, how about listening to each other with compassion, and humility and the only assumption made is that we may not know everything. When we speak how about thinking first, avoiding knee-jerk reactions, mindful of the other’s feelings. And when we act how about thinking first, avoiding knee-jerk reactions, mindful of the consequences.

  36. Pingback: » we are entitled to our own opinions… but our own FACTS ? PHARMACIST STEVE

  37. Pingback: we are entitled to our own opinions… but our own FACTS ? | Pained Lives Matter

  38. Ha right we should all bow to the science of the nwo and their climate change war cry, as they Continue to geoengineer our skies under the guise of Solar radiation management (SRM) for the last 5 yrs intensely & intentional warming our climate. Scientist can be such intellectual liars and offense to equate humans to strains, and of course as they shut their yap about the continued leaking of Fukushima, the virus are those that regurgitate the agenda’sxx lies.

  39. Reblogged this on Common Canadians and commented:
    It is difficult to look back into the history of humans on planet earth and find a time where humans did not hinder and harm. We should have learned by now — but given the human habit of withholding education and information in the name of profit and power, the chances of entering an era educated enlightenment, before complete extinction of all life on earth, are pretty slim.

  40. Thank you for starting my day off with a good laugh!
    … actually it is rather sad and I should be despondent at the underlying truth, but I can’t help but laugh at good satire 😀

  41. Wow I can’t help but say something. I read about half of the B’s comments and started wondering if most of the long winded comments and the dipshit that was wanting people to be considerate of others feelings are the ones that this was written about. It’s a joke people!! What makes a joke funny is that most of them are written about ishues that are current at the time. It’s the chuckle heads that shit on them by taking them literally or by overstating their opinions that ruin them. There are a lot of smarter than thow word smiths that are just jerking off them selves trying to appear intelligent. When in reality they are morons that are formally educated but have little actual intelligence. It’s a joke lighten up and enjoy it.

  42. It’s worse than that. They are also apparently resistant to logic, reason, and common sense. Frequently, their response to such stimuli includes watering eyes, verbal response ranging from moaning to wailing, and even violent outbursts.
    Current research suggests they can be trained with varying degrees of success by depriving them of their iPhone, ipad, and other assorted apple based products, making them work for their treats, properly disciplining them when they exhibit antisocial behaviour.
    Preliminary results are encouraging, there is even hope that this may be a cure.

  43. ROFL…..actually their problem is that many people DO think and aren’t taken in by their faked “data”. Thousands upon thousands of other scientists are calling them on it as well and people are going by the empirical observations also… the pole ice packs are growing.

    One line in this commentary speaks volumes…”As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.” Why?? Because the facts don’t fit their blather.

  44. Pingback: Surviving Trump. Defeating Trumpism. – Ann Heitland

  45. Apparently further research has shown that human nature selects those facts that suit, and those with endangered life styles are much more likely to select the facts that alleviate the pressure on their behaviour. Intelligence and logic have been a useless weapon against such selection and some suspect it may be due to the very old instinct of survival. Even some scientists have rejected the more dangerous findings because they are riding on the crest of the wave.
    Mr Probehurt has suggested the following important issues which dominate the new breed and other humans.
    The desire to travel anywhere at anytime without restraint.
    The desire to become as wealthy as humanly possible.
    The desire to practice any type of activity regardless of the consequences.

  46. I absolutely LOVED this piece of satire!!! Thank you a hundred times Andy Borowitz! This belongs in the Hall of Fame of Classic Satire and Truthiness along side Stephen Colbert… perhas above him! Hahahaha! 😉 😛

    • As much as you’d like to confiscate all of our cars, I don’t live where there is any sort of public transportation at all. Start running passenger trains through here, and I’ll think about it.

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